She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
