No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
