so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
