sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
