At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
