Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
