did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
from now on my penis is your penis
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
