ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
