how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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