i may or may not be watching the land before time
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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