she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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