Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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