ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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