Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cockslap morals
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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