Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
