First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
