dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
