Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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