dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
