i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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