Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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