I got chris browned last night
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
