your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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