why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
