yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
