so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
