i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
