she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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