Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
