i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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