So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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