I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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