Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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