how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
