i would punch a child for taco bell
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
