was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
