well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
