You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
