worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
