in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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