I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
