and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
