I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
