My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
