So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
