3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
