I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
