I want to make a zoo with you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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