Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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