porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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