Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
