Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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