I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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