Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
