No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
