how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
